Usually, yes. At Strength in Heart Counselling (in office in Victoria, BC and Mill Bay, BC and online across BC), our view is that it's never too late for couples counselling to help. Some couples come in and find their way back to each other. Others come in and decide to separate. Either way, the hard part tends to go more smoothly with a counsellor in the room who isn't on anyone's side.
You don't have to be in crisis to book
There's no right moment to start, and couples come to us at every stage. Some wait years. Others call the week after a big fight. Many people assume couples counselling is a last resort, so they hold off until things feel unbearable. In practice, the reasons people reach out are often quieter than that:
One of you has started to feel lonely, even though you share a home and a bed.
Resentment has piled up over small things that never got talked through.
You catch yourself imagining what life would look like if you left.
Things are good, and you want to keep them that way. You might be moving in together or getting married and want to prepare well.
If any of these sound familiar, that's enough reason to book. Starting earlier usually means there's more goodwill left to work with.
Counselling helps whether you stay or separate
Couples counselling isn't only for couples who are sure they want to stay together. We also work with couples who are separating, who want to end things with care, or who need to figure out co-parenting or get through a divorce without it turning into a war. The two stories below are composites, with names and details changed, drawn from patterns our counsellors see often.
Kim and Dan: finding their way back
Kim and Dan had been together eleven years and had two kids under eight. Dan booked the first session the week Kim told him she was "done." Their fights almost always started over logistics, like who forgot the swim lesson or whose turn it was for bedtime, and within minutes they turned into something much bigger.
In sessions, they mapped out one typical argument step by step. Kim would open with criticism. Dan would go quiet and leave the room, and Kim would take his silence as proof that he didn't care. Once they could see the pattern, they agreed to take a 20-minute break whenever either of them felt flooded, and to always come back to finish the conversation.
Six months later, they still argue about bedtime. Now the arguments end.
Sam and Leah: separating well
Sam and Leah both knew the marriage was over before they came in. What they didn't know was how to tell their ten-year-old, or how to keep the separation from becoming a fight conducted through lawyers.
In counselling, they worked out what to say to their son and agreed to tell him together. They built a parenting schedule that fit both of their work hours. Sessions also gave them somewhere to deal with resentment that would otherwise have come out at every handoff at the school gate. They separated, and they still sit together at his hockey games.
What if my partner won't come?
You can start on your own. It's completely okay for one partner to begin, with the goal of moving toward couples sessions later. Those first sessions are a place to talk things through, get clear on what you want, and make a plan.
Megan's partner Jordan (another composite) wouldn't consider counselling. To him, it meant admitting failure. Megan came in on her own to work out whether she wanted to stay. Over a few sessions she got clearer about what she needed, and about the ways she'd been keeping the peace that weren't working. When she told Jordan about the changes she'd made, he agreed to come to one joint session "just to see."
When there's abuse or control in the relationship
If there's abuse or coercive control, it can still be addressed in counselling, and your safety comes first. If your counsellor has concerns about joint sessions, they'll work with you to make sessions safe. That may mean starting with individual sessions, so each person has a private space to speak openly.
Couples counselling at Strength in Heart IN Victoria and Mill BAy, BC
Alana Rosenfeld, MACP, RCC
Victoria office and online
Alana is trained in the Gottman Method (Levels 1 and 2) and also draws on ACT and Schema theory. She helps partners see the patterns each of them brings, especially when the same argument keeps coming back. Her dogs, Penny and Patches, often join sessions.
Adria Lipsett, MA, RCC
Mill Bay and Victoria offices, and online
Adria's approach is trauma-informed and rooted in narrative therapy, with somatic parts work woven in. She believes humour belongs in therapy, and many of her sessions hold both tears and laughter.
Sessions can be in person or online. For online sessions, partners can join from different locations, which helps if you live apart, work different shifts, or simply need your own space during a hard conversation. We see clients Monday to Saturday, including evenings and weekends. Our whole team is 2SLGBTQIA+ affirming.
How to start. You can begin with a free 20-minute virtual consultation. Both partners can attend, or just one of you. It's up to you. The first full session focuses on setting goals and making a plan for where to go. If you'd rather dive straight into a full first session, that's fine too.
Cost and coverage. Couples counselling is $185 per hour. Many extended health plans cover counselling with Registered Clinical Counsellors, but coverage varies, so check your own plan before your first session.
If the first counsellor you meet isn't the right fit, we'll rematch you at no cost.
Whether you're hoping to stay together, wondering if you should, or already sure it's over, you don't have to work it out alone. Book a free consultation to get started.
